


nothing flat

by thisissirius



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Heartbeat Kink, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-14
Updated: 2012-06-14
Packaged: 2017-11-07 18:17:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/433980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which steve has a thing about tony's heartbeat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	nothing flat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eiirene](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eiirene/gifts).



> this is a birthday fic for jo {eiirene} who is amazing. i'm sorry if this sucks, i just really couldn't drag it out anymore. it deserves at least 32983902 more words but i kind of like it as is? idek. i hope it works for you, my darling <3
> 
> there are probably a hundred and one mistakes, because this is unbeta-d ;_;
> 
> also a mini fill for [this prompt](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/6021.html?thread=8541061#t8541061) at the kink meme

Tony was asleep on the couch when Steve walked into the room fresh from his workout. He had one hand pressed palm-flat agsinst his stomach and there was a tablet slipping out of the other. The glow of the arc reactor was the only light in the darkening room. It was rare to catch Tony in such an unguarded moment, desperate as he was to shy away from human contact ever since they’d relocated to Stark Tower. 

Steve closed his eyes, breathing in and out through his nose slowly. He was across the room before he’d really thought about it, hand hovering dangerously close to Tony’s chest. It would be so easy to drop his hand, to splay his fingers next to the arc reactor and feel the steady thrum of Tony’s heartbeat. It felt foolish to want it when knowing that Tony was alive should have been enough. He was about to give in to the impulse anyway when his eyes flicked to Tony’s face only to find Tony staring right back at him, face devoid of expression. 

Steve swallowed once, twice and snatched his hand back, curling it against his side. “I-.” He turned on his heel and walked out of the room, heart pounding too loud in his ears.

 

 

The arguing didn't end. It wasn’t going to just because of one heart-wrenching moment where Steve feared Tony was never coming back to them. That he had been the one to condemn him to death. The arguments were about everything and anything although they had lost that sharp edge, worn away by time and close proximity. Still, Tony was the only one Steve trusted to tell him like it was without fear of him suffering a complete mental collapse and Tony had someone who didn’t mind the constant stream of techno babble, the company of someone who simply wanted to be there because of _Tony_ and not whatever he was working on. 

The team worked around them, the atmosphere no longer tense when Steve and Tony sniped between themselves. They were a tight nit unit, one that worked flawlessly a lot of the time, co-existed peacefully most of the time, and fought some of the time. It was easy. Steve should have been scared by that because nothing easy ever ended well, but he couldn’t be scared of this or of what they were making. 

If he spent just a little bit longer staring at Tony’s chest than was normal, watching the drag and shift of his shirt over the arc reactor, then nobody really had to know. 

 

 

Steve sat on the end of his bed, elbows resting on his knees and face in his hands. Nightmares weren’t new, they were par for the course with a life such as his, years passing him by as he lay frozen in ice. The subjects changed. The subjects always changed and this time hearts stopped, thread beats slowing to nothing and Steve couldn’t breathe, clawing at his own chest to escape, to wake, to keep from drowning in fear. 

“JARVIS,” he said slowly. “Is there... could I...”

“Anything,” JARVIS said gently. That, Steve knew, was all Tony; to give life to his creations. He felt his lip curl a little at that, not able to dampen the smile even when JARVIS continued. “If it is within my power.”

Steve sobered a little, peeling his hands away and pressing his palms flat against his knees. “I don’t know if – if it’s invasive.”

“Mr. Stark is quite particular on that front, Sir.”

The tone was less chiding, more inquisitive and Steve was caught short. He had been about to ask how JARVIS could possibly know that Tony was the person Steve was asking about but of course he would, when did Steve ask after anybody else?

It was embarrassing to say aloud but Steve had to know, had to be able to know if, if anything, just _if_.

“Will you tell him?”

JARVIS paused for a moment. “That depends entirely on the request.”

“His heartbeat,” Steve blurted, feeling a flush rise against his neck. 

There was another pause while JARVIS digested his request. Then, softly, he said, “What would you like?”

“Is it possible to play it?”

The silence this time was almost deafening and Steve had to wonder if he had lost whatever sanity he had been clinging to since waking up. It was stupid to think that it would work, that he could hear Tony’s heartbeat just because he had an AI who-

A slow, steady beat erupted from everywhere at once. Steve couldn’t pinpoint exactly where. It didn’t seem to matter. “Is that...?” He trailed off. The beats sounded right, sounded okay. It was a little fast but Tony was working, was probably excited by whatever he was attempting to do. 

“He’s in his lab, Captain Rogers,” JARVIS confirmed a little while later. “I can turn it down if you prefer?”

“No,” Steve said quietly. “No, that’s fine.”

He fell back against the bed, eyes closing. It was as though his head were pressed to Tony’s chest, the rise and fall of Tony’s chest against his cheek and the sound of him alive, alive, alive resounding in Steve’s ear. 

 

 

It was crazy.

Steve was definitely sure it was crazy. Staring down a doctor who was overly polite but invasive during one of his mandatory SHIELD psych evals, Steve contemplated more than once blurting out that he needed to hear Tony’s heartbeat in order to fall asleep without nightmares. The scratch of pen on paper and the way those cold, blue eyes bore into his own more than stopped him short. Steve wasn’t even being entirely honest about how he felt anyway and though it left a cold feeling of discomfort in his stomach at lying, he couldn’t imagine giving this up. JARVIS had been a necessary evil and Steve would share it with his team before he shared it with anyone from SHIELD. 

It was easy to distrust them. Nick Fury had made it so easy to distrust them despite his motivations at the time. Admitting any sort of reliance on Tony Stark was like cussing in front of a child and Steve was determined to change their opinion. Tony was all bluster around well, people, but the person underneath was worth all of the shit and posturing that few people had the want to get beyond.

 

 

He managed to keep from doing it for a while, even going so far as to tell JARVIS to stop playing the heartbeat randomly. It was weird. He shouldn’t have to – to want it. He shouldn’t have to _need_ it to get to sleep. He managed right up until team movie night, watching Robin Hood for the millionth time. Clint and Tony were already asleep and Natasha was well on her way. Thor was avidly watching the screen, booming now and then how great Robin’s talent was, startling Clint from sleep. It was hilarious and Steve couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. He scanned the room, over Bruce working on his equations, Natasha’s head falling on his shoulder before jerking up again as she narrowed her eyes at the television screen. Over Clint who was glaring at the back of a laughing Thor’s head. Over Tony, who was pressed against Steve’s side, one hand on Steve’s knee and the other on his stomach. 

Steve settled for looking, knowing that it was fine when Tony was sleeping and his team were preoccupied. His hand was across the back of the sofa behind Tony’s head and it had been inching down slowly the entire movie. It was now, splayed across Tony’s chest, the tips of his fingers rubbing the smooth bump around the edge of the arc reactor. Someone was bursting into flames on the TV but Steve only had eyes for Tony, at his fingers resting against the material of Tony’s shirt. It was dangerous, playing like this. His team were around and Tony could wake at any moment but the feel of Tony's heartbeat beneath his fingers was too heady to ignore. 

He tried to force his attention back on the screen. He had to stop; Tony had Pepper and a hundred other people who weren’t _Steve_ and Steve didn’t even really know what he wanted. He just had this need to always feel that Tony was alive. It would have been terrifying if it hadn’t felt so _normal_. 

“Steve.”

Steve blinked slowly, startled to discover he had fallen asleep. Natasha was leaning over him, one hand on his shoulder. “I’m putting Bruce to bed. Clint and Thor went a while ago.”

Nodding even before he’d fully grasped the situation, Steve shifted on the couch, careful not to dislodge a still-sleeping Tony. There was something unsettling about the smile Natasha turned on him.

“I’ll leave Tony to you.”

“Mm,” Steve agreed, wishing her a goodnight and waiting until she had fully left the room before turning his attention to Tony. His face was slack and open in sleep, face turned into Steve’s shoulder. It wasn’t strange to see him so relaxed; once he was asleep, it took a hell of a lot to wake him. Unfortunately, they were both going to wake up with aches in all the wrong places if they stayed here. “Come on, Tony.”

Steve shifted them both, manoeuvring Tony gently into a sitting position,. 

“Up and at ‘em, soldier.”

“Mmnot a soldier,” Tony said, stretching. “Didn’t we have this conversation already?”

Steve just nodded, the silence dragging on until it became apparent to Steve that Tony was staring at him, at the hand still against his chest with a frown creasing his brow. 

“You do that a lot,” Tony said. He lifted Steve’s hand from his chest. “Touch me when you think I won’t notice.”

“Tony, I-” Steve stopped, not really knowing what to say. He couldn’t disagree without lying. He was just grateful Tony didn’t know how far he had gone. He stood, rocking back on his heels and giving Tony room to stand himself.

Tony was searching his face, expressions flitted across it that Steve didn’t have a hope of following. “You never touch it.”

There was a touch of bitterness there and Steve frowned. “What?”

“The arc reactor.” Tony shoved up his t-shirt, displaying the bright blue glow. “I can see why you might think it was repulsive and ugly. It’s the only thing keeping me alive, keeping my heart beating, but-“

“Tony,” Steve said, crowding up close, and resting his hands on Tony’s chest. “Tony, it’s not that.”

The expression that greeted his words was a mixture of self-loathing and resentment. Steve pressed his hand against the arc reactor, fingers splayed along the edges but his eyes remained on Tony’s face. 

“See?” There was a moment’s silence, a battle of wills. Tony wanted to believe him but why should he? Steve had been dancing around this for too long and he was going to ruin it if he didn’t- “It’s your heartbeat,” he blurted. 

Tony just stared at him. “My what?”

Steve lifted a hand to Tony’s neck, thumb rubbing against his pulse point gently. “That’s what I was doing that day when you were sleeping. I thought, when I sleep, it’s your heartbeat.” He could feel the flush against his neck rising up his face and he swallowed, kept going because if he stopped now, if he finished, he didn’t think he would ever say this aloud again. “I don’t know why I have to feel it, why I need to touch it and make sure that you’re alive, but I need that, I need someone who isn’t going anywhere, who won’t leave me and-”

“Hey,” Tony said, as gentle as Steve had ever heard him. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

He put his hand on Steve’s against his chest, head dropping forward until their foreheads were touching. Steve couldn’t meet his eyes yet but he could stand there, feeling Tony’s heartbeat beneath his fingers, the glow of the arc reactor the only thing between them.


End file.
